Signposts: Unforgiveness

Woman pensive

My friend was 20 when she had an abortion—and we are in our 30s now so this was a while ago! When we were talking about it she described how her boyfriend said they should abort, and it made sense at the time so she agreed and got the abortion—but she described it with such passion! She remembered his exact words, her face and her whole body tense with energy as she talked about him. She reminded me of something I read elsewhere: “Bitterness remembers details.” It’s not uncommon for people who have experienced an abortion to have a hard time forgiving one or more of the people involved, just like my friend.

Perhaps it was your friend, girlfriend or family member who had the abortion when you counseled against it. You may be struggling to forgive as well–either to forgive that person, or to forgive yourself for not preventing it.

An abortion is an event that cannot be undone, no matter how deeply we wish it could. Living with unforgiveness that may follow can only make it worse.

Plenty of people have written about this: “Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past.” (Lance Morrow, author and essayist) “A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.” (William Arthur Ward, American teacher and author)

But it is easier to talk about forgiveness than to actually forgive! How can you forgive them for their part in it? How can you forgive yourself?

Author and ethicist Lewis B. Smedes writes, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Perhaps you WANT to free yourself from this prison, but do not know how to go about it. Would you like to talk with someone who can help you move toward this freeing forgiveness? We are here to help!

Restore helps those for whom the lingering effects of abortion continue to cause pain. Restore provides free confidential post-abortion care and post abortion support services to all individuals after abortion experiences. Restore After Abortion serves DuPage County, Illinois and surrounding communities. Please call today for a free, confidential consultation.