Dear Diary: The Heartbreak and Deep Sadness is Becoming Unbearable


Have you ever had something traumatic happen to you and then felt like a completely different person afterwards? After initially picking yourself up after this experience, it may have caused you to think about your life in terms of “before” and “after.” It may even have caused you to feel uncertain about the future because you do not like how different you feel about yourself. How do you move on from this experience?

In today’s diary entry, the writer shows us a glimpse into her feelings as she struggles to move on with her life after feeling like a “completely different person.”

Dear Diary,

The amount of heartbreak and deep sadness that I have been feeling is becoming unbearable. I am a completely different person. I used to be happy all of the time and the littlest things would make me laugh. Now, I am sad all the time and it is a miracle if I laugh.

On the days that I have school, I literally have to force myself to get out of bed in the morning. Each morning, it seems impossible to get up and start to get ready. I know what the day will bring. It will be difficult to focus on anything. My mind will always be wandering. I will have to start acting like I am doing well and act very fake.

How awkward will it be if I bump into someone and we start talking and they ask how I’m doing? Am I going to respond by saying “I am actually not doing well at all. I am depressed and I have never had lower self-esteem or thought any less of myself. I feel guilty and ashamed. Oh, and the reason I am feeling all of this is because I was pregnant and I had an abortion.” No, I can’t tell them what’s really going on so I just tell them I’m good.

Days that I do not have school, I do not even get out of bed until I have to go to work. What’s the point? I would rather be by myself in my room rather than be dragging everyone else down with how I am feeling. It has gotten really bad, to the point where people have started making comments about me. Why is she so sad? Did she have a personality change? What’s going on with her? People who I care about but don’t want to know about my abortion are worried and showing concern for me. In a way, that makes me feel worse because I know there is nothing that they could do to help me but I do not want them feeling helpless.

I do not want to feel this way anymore. I want to go back to how I was living my life before my abortion. It should not be this hard, but it is. It seems that the harder I try to forget about everything, the more I end up thinking about it. I need help.

After having an abortion, finding the motivation to move on in your life can be hard. Restore  After Abortion can help. For over 15 years, Restore has been providing free and compassionate post abortion care to anyone who is suffering from the guilt, anger, sadness, regret, and depression caused by a previous abortion. For more information or to schedule a free introductory appointment, call or text 630-599-0043, or  book online at  Restore Online Scheduler.