Typically, Thanksgiving is a time of year when people look forward to celebrating with friends and family. It is a time to reflect on the past year and be thankful for what you have. However, for those who have experienced abortion, Thanksgiving, as well as other holidays, can bring about regret, sadness, and the feeling of wanting to isolate oneself from others. In today’s journal article, the writer talks about the change she has felt over the past few months and how she is dreading this time of year.

Dear Diary,

Usually November is my favorite time of the year! There is so much to look forward to like Thanksgiving, winter break, Christmas, and New Year’s. I love seeing all of my family and I love how we are able to come together to catch up, play games, and just hang out.

But, this year I am not looking forward to the holidays. I keep seeing all of these questions posted on social media saying things like, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Or, “What are your plans for after graduation?” These are the conversations that I do not want to have.

I can’t tell my family that I do not have a boyfriend because he turned out to be a complete jerk and that I ended up having an abortion because of him. I don’t want to talk about school and what my plans are for after graduation because school is not going well because of my abortion. I feel like every “typical” topic that family members ask about after not seeing you for a while is going to link back to my abortion and I get anxious just thinking about it.

This is supposed to be the happiest time of the year and it was just a couple of months ago. But now, it is a nerve-wracking time of year. Obviously, I want to see my family and celebrate with them but I am nervous. What if they notice that I’m different now? What if they can somehow tell what I did? How can I avoid having these conversations that I do not want to have? What if I slip up and say something that I am not supposed to say? What if I can’t control my emotions and just start crying (for no reason for the people who do not know about my abortion) like I do so often?

It’s hard to think of things that I am grateful for while I am hurting so much during these times. It is hard to say Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays when I am not feeling very merry or happy.

Everyone always talks about their New Year’s resolution and how they are excited for a fresh start with the new year. I am trying to be hopeful that with the new year, comes new hope. I just want my life to be back to the way that it was before my abortion experience.

If the holidays are a struggle for you and you want to talk to someone about the regret and sadness you are feeling due to a past abortion, please contact Restore After Abortion. Our caring, compassionate staff can help guide you through the process that will help you get the healing you deserve. Don’t delay, call today. 630-599-0043.