Many times, walking through the aftermath of an abortion can be confusing. One minute you are feeling relieved that the abortion is over and you can get on with your normal life again. The next minute, you are feeling panicked that you might have made the wrong decision. Questions start to invade your thoughts, “Did I make the right choice? What will others think of me?”
In today’s journal entry, the writer lets us see a glimpse into the early stages of relief that was felt the day after the abortion as she begins to process through the abortion experience.
Dear Diary,
Yesterday I had an abortion. Thank goodness I am no longer pregnant. I’m still trying to process everything that happened. It seems like it all happened so fast; it is kind of a blur. I had to make a huge decision very quickly. I am so sad that this is what I had to do but I am just not ready to be a mother yet. My boyfriend did not want anything to do with me when I told him that I was pregnant. He left me. Clearly, he isn’t ready to be a father yet. It is so unfair to bring a baby into the world when its parents both are not ready. I don’t know if I even made the right choice. I feel really badly about what I did but what about school? I still need to graduate. I am so young. There is still so much that I need to accomplish before I can have a baby. I am glad that I don’t have to worry about it anymore.
Yesterday was the scariest day of my life. As I was looking around the waiting room, I realized that I was not the only one who was in a tough spot and had to make an even tougher decision. All of the girls seemed so stoic and numb. I think we were all trying to hold ourselves together. I can’t help but wonder what will my friends and family say when I tell them about what I did. Will they be angry? Will they be disappointed? What if they think that I made the wrong choice? I feel so disappointed in myself and I can only hope that I do not disappoint them too. I don’t want to let anyone down. They have to understand that I never wanted this to happen. Nobody does. I was in a crisis situation and I had to act fast. The situation would’ve only gotten harder if I had waited any longer.
I feel alone. I don’t know who I can talk to. I need to feel supported and know that I did the right thing. I wish that I knew someone else who has had an abortion so that her and I could talk about everything. It is so overwhelming. What do I do now?
If you are feeling alone and don’t know who to talk to concerning the aftermath of your abortion, please contact Restore After Abortion at 630-599-0043 or email care@restoreafterabortion.com . We are here because we care.